The most challenging part of the human experience is grappling with our own excuses. When we break our word or don’t follow through on the things we said we would do, we can tell our boss, our friends, or our parents anything we want. Most times it will go over smoothly if you’re genuine and you apply a little social grace. “Great,” you say, “I got myself off the hot seat.” Deep down, you know the problem is still there.

The reactions of those around you serve as a mere symptom. A social alarm telling you that you’re not fulfilling your promise. That your words are not aligning with your actions. After all, nobody promises that they’re going to be late to work, or skirt responsibilities in their relationships. When all the excuses have been said, and everybody goes home at the end of the day, it’s just you and your word. The person most affected by your behavior is you.

Every lie we tell ourselves adds mass to that part of our psyche. Over time, this warps our reality until we find ourselves trapped in an orbit of our own making. I call this experience Self-Gravity. Inspired by astrophysics, the term describes how an object’s own gravitational pull affects itself. The most extreme example is a black hole. When an object can no longer resist the strength of its own pull, it caves in on itself. This is called a gravitational collapse.

Gravity itself is a neutral force. It doesn’t have an agenda. It isn’t conspiring against you. It does what it has always done; it pulls. Your own brain doesn’t have an agenda either. It bends according to the curvature of its pathways. Just as space bends around mass, our brains bend around repeated thoughts, carving deep neural highways. A good example of this is a system in our brains called the Default Mode Network. It’s the software your mind defaults to when it’s at rest. Think of it like lane assist, it activates when your mind is idling so you don’t have to consciously make every micro adjustment on the road. Pretty neat, right?

Well, what happens if that lane assist isn’t calibrated? Instead of keeping you safely inside the lines, it might jerk the wheel toward oncoming traffic, or steer you into a ditch. Now it isn’t so neat. The Default Mode Network can just as easily be wired for negative outcomes as it can for positive ones. I have been on the receiving end of those negative outcomes for most of my life and I never knew it. With some old fashioned detective work and the help of a licensed therapist, at the age of 22 I discovered my lane assist was not properly calibrated

In the twilight of my college experience, months before graduation, most of my peers were day drinking and doing photo ops. I was peeling back the layers of my psyche. The same kind of manic research I would do at four AM in the campus computer lab when I was a freshman. Endlessly searching for an existential secret. Some kind of key to the universe. It was this obsessive quality that often caused me to come up short in life. Whether it was handing an assignment in on time, showing up for friends and family when they needed me, and surely other things I can’t remember.

After a few weeks holed up in my shoddy little college townhouse scouring through every Reddit forum, medical journal, and wellness article I could find, hesitantly, I reached a conclusion. I got on the phone with my therapist that week for our regular session, and revealed my findings. I told her, “I’m fairly confident I have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.” Her response felt like something out of an M. Night Shyamalan movie.

I was befuddled by her answer, but I didn’t let it ruin the validation it gave me. To know that I wasn’t just choosing self-sabotage when I rolled out of bed everyday. It helped me make sense of my experience. Why it felt like I was living with a sticky gear shift in my head. All of my irrational hangups and unproductive fixations. I could have known about this condition far earlier, as I had been seeing her for nearly two years at that point. Yet, I’m still glad she let me figure it out for myself. In the end, It feels far more validating to know that I did my own research.

I learned an invaluable skill because of it. Metacognition; the ability to rationally observe one’s own thinking. If it wasn’t for these sessions, I likely would have thought nothing of my circular thought patterns and irrational obsessions. I would have figured I was just a high-strung individual with some detrimental habits. Now I aim to look at myself with the same cool detachment she was able to. The patterns were obvious to her, and when she walked me through them, I couldn’t believe how I missed it.

That substance right there, is gravity. It lives in between the lines. Like the matrix, it shapes your entire reality until you finally learn to see it. It’s invisible, imperceptible, and yet it shapes the very foundation of our will.

Subscribe to Enter Gravity

Essay every Tuesday

Subscribe now

Gravity is one of the few forces that is everywhere at all times, and yet, we often don’t consciously notice it. Without it, the universe would literally pull apart at the seams. It’s the glue that holds the cosmos together and creates the elegant balance in our galaxy. Life itself would cease to exist without gravity. It pulls the oceans and atmosphere down to our home on Earth. The water needed for life would float away, and the air we need to breathe would disappear into the cold vacuum of space. Gravity is a miracle.

Ironically, it can also be lethal if ignored. Ask anyone who has misjudged a step on a steep staircase. You can’t argue with physics, and you certainly can’t argue with the pavement. The danger isn’t always this obvious, which is why it is worth noting how gravity shows up in more subtle ways that can adversely affect us. This is the kind of gravity that isn’t defined by physics, but by psychology. It’s a force that can make your life a lot easier or a lot harder depending on your ability to identify it.

To navigate this invisible psychology, we must map its coordinates. This is the foundation of the framework I call The Three Fields of Gravity, which breaks down the major areas of life where you may be influenced without knowing it: Self-Gravity, Social-Gravity, and Systemic-Gravity. Each of these pillars overlaps in a three-way Venn diagram, and every person exists at the very center of this model.

Here is how each of these forces shows up in your daily life.

Self-Gravity

Self-Gravity is the most intimate of the three fields. It is also one of the hardest to spot, because we are incredibly skilled at convincing ourselves of whatever we must to protect our fragile egos.

It is the comfort zone that keeps us in a miserable job; the procrastination we disguise as perfectionism; and the self-sabotage we inflict to avoid a life we don’t believe we deserve. It is the invisible hand of your own psychology pulling you backward.

These are all excuses. Fear dressed up as reason.

This may very well be the most difficult form of gravity one can experience, because it requires you to look at yourself honestly and objectively.

Social-Gravity

Social-Gravity is usually a term we apply to networking, but I’m repurposing it for this framework. This form of influence is defined by the people who are closest to you. A popular Jim Rohn quote comes to mind:

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”

Do you surround yourself with people who champion your ideas and abilities, or people who secretly prey on your downfall?

Sometimes, the threat isn’t active malice, but well-meaning expectations. Those around us mean well, but the weight of their expectations can be too heavy for us to carry. They may envision a different future for you than the one you see for yourself. Other times, you might be met with a complete rejection of the path you want. Setting proper boundaries is the only way to deal with disruptive Social-Gravity.

Systemic-Gravity

Systemic-Gravity is a broad field of influence that applies heavily to modern life. There is no shortage of noise in the 21st century, and the rapid pace of technological change is a major driver of this. Social media feeds designed to capture your attention, complex algorithms keeping you scrolling, and the rapid evolution of artificial intelligence make it hard to focus on any single objective for long.

While technology is a massive component of this field, it also applies to our institutions. Your school, place of work, and even your political bodies create a strong cultural undertow that quietly shapes your behavior over time.

The Anatomy of Drift

Gravity is a morally neutral force; it isn’t inherently good or bad. It simply does what it always does: it pulls whatever is caught in its field.

The point of this framework is to identify the largest sources of influence in your life. When you’ve done this successfully, it is much easier to choose a deliberate course of action. Many things can derail us from our purpose and steer us off course. That’s why I call this phenomenon drift. It’s hard to know that you’re moving in the wrong direction when you think you’re the only one steering.

The most natural place to start is to look at your own Self-Gravity. Ideas have weight, and with weight comes pull. It’s crucial that you pay close attention to which ideas you give weight. Take a look at some of the things you believe or tell yourself daily. If you think you aren’t capable of something, you likely won’t be. Henry Ford put it best:

“Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.”

The more weight you give an idea, the stronger its pull on your behavior.

If you truly believe you are meant to do something with your life (whether that is to write, design, or build), the weight of that belief will pull you more than any external force. What you choose to believe about yourself is the strongest weapon you have against drift.

Subscribe to Enter Gravity

Essay every Tuesday

Subscribe now

Everything gets pulled. That is the one rule I’ve come to recognize as fundamentally true in life. Whether you like it or not, you are in constant motion. Most of us are dragged into a reality we feel we didn’t choose. It just sort of happens with time. We have plans, goals, and dreams that never materialize despite the intentions being good. I call this phenomenon drift. The reason drift is so dangerous is because it’s insidious. There is no warning. No loud sound before the impact. Just the vague sensation that you’re not quite living up to your potential. It’s a dull ache in the soul. A low-frequency hum that lives in your solar plexus.

Pull or be pulled

The world is always in motion. Either you’re pulling the world into your orbit, or the world is pulling you into its orbit. Naturally, there will be a tug-of-war between your desires and the desires of the world around you. You can either start pulling, or get dragged. The choice is yours.

Drift is the greatest challenge of our time. It’s a battle that can’t be “won,” yet it’s a battle you don’t have to lose. You only lose if you stop pulling. If you stop trying to build a life that draws the things you want into it naturally. This would mean giving in to the fields of influence around you, never to create your own. It’s a choice between immediate attention and long-term intention. Baser instincts or intuition.

Lightness is the default

We all live with the innate ability to make our own decisions. Though, we often don’t choose what’s best for us. Why is that? I’ll tell you:

There is often a large gap between what we want from life, and what we actually get. This is most notably called the “intention-action gap,” and it runs deeper than discipline and willpower. It’s about the invisible strings attached to every behavior. Every peripheral influence that tugs on your own free will.

When something is “light” it’s easy to physically manipulate. My definition of light is simply this: Being easy to move and unmoor from your own sense of purpose.

It’s more than just being distractible. It’s about lacking a discernible center. Existing at the mercy of the strongest prevailing wind in your life. Not anchored to or invested in anything meaningful. If any of this resonates with you, drift is likely all too familiar. You may or may not even know you’re light. Luckily, this is something you can diagnose for yourself. I’ve managed to do this, and I’m in the process of building my solution. This life does not reward those who are light. It rewards those who are heavy.

It’s all about mass

The greater an object’s mass, the harder it is to move. In physics, this is called inertia. If you hear this during a conversation, it’s almost always used in a negative context. Inertia typically means you are slow to change or build momentum. Which is true even in physics. Inertia isn’t necessarily bad if you understand how it works. This application can fit almost anything, but for the sake of clarity, I’ll explain the dynamics in the context of building a business.

When you have low mass, you have low inertia. This is great when you’re starting out because it means you can build momentum quickly and pivot on a dime. This is valuable when you want to understand what resonates with you and what inspires you to get the ball rolling. You may be fickle and easily distracted, but that’s not an issue at this stage. The point of this phase is to find the best way to become massive.

That’s when your effort compounds. You grow larger and build a portfolio for yourself. An undeniable body of work. A brand. Changing directions now would be a daunting and laborious task. You’re a large object moving very fast. This also means you’re unstoppable. That is the value of inertia at this phase. You’re a freight train with no brakes.

When you’re massive, you’re heavily invested in something that brings you value. Not only are you resistant to the influence of others, you’ve created your own powerful field of influence.

Your own gravity

The ultimate advantage to being a high-mass individual is your ability to project gravity. This is the passive but powerful capacity to have others engage you without any additional effort. It’s a byproduct of the high mass you already possess. You exert gravity naturally. It cannot be bought, hacked, or summarized in a listicle. It must be earned.

The world is always pulling. Only you can build the mass to start pulling back. It’s the work of a lifetime, but it’s the only work that matters. Where drift ends, your orbit begins. Don’t just exist in the field of others. Create your own. Enter Gravity.

Subscribe to Enter Gravity

Essay every Tuesday

Subscribe now