We start any project with an ideal in our head. An image of what the end might look like, whether it’s a finished product or a final draft. A feeling of motivation and control comes over us when we indulge in our vision. Our ideas are untarnished and pure. But once they leave the safety of our minds and take shape in the real world, they quickly become something else.
When our ideas become tangible, they suddenly become subject to reality. They may not fit exactly with what we had in mind. Eventually, we reach an impasse where we must choose between upholding that vision, or adapting to what the present moment asks of us. The latter is usually harder because we find ourselves attached to that sacred ideal we’ve mentally constructed.
In pursuit of our goals, that vision quickly becomes a source of idolatry. We worship this imagined reality and, without realizing it, slip into the mindset that things must be a certain way in order for us to succeed. We cling to it because it’s safe, and crave the predictability that it provides. So we exalt this ideal above what’s directly in front of us, and the cycle of pain begins.
The cycle of pain is a trap I’ve walked into countless times. In cognitive behavioral therapy, this exact pattern is mapped out as the OCD cycle: Obsession, Anxiety, Compulsion, Relief. An obsession takes root, triggering a wave of anxiety, which drives a sudden compulsion to act—offering temporary relief before the entire loop resets.
This framework was specifically designed to target perfectionism and its recursive nature. Perfectionism functions less like a means to an end and more like an end in itself. Perfection, as we all know, is not something you can actually reach. It’s a subjective state that we decide. There is no way to objectively measure if something is perfect or not. This open endedness lends itself to the cyclical behavior I’ve found deeply troubling in myself.
Before we can break the loop, first we must understand how each phase takes hold of us:
The Cycle of Pain
Perfection
Imperfection
Discomfort
Correction
Perfection
This is the state we find ourselves in before we begin any meaningful task. Our minds are a vacuum sealed chamber of potential, and thus, our ideas are totally isolated from the messiness of reality. We’ve placed our mission on such a high pedestal that we can’t get close enough to actually execute it. We do this to avoid the chaos of the creative process. A defense mechanism we deploy because we register the work as an active threat. The disorder is seen as an affront against our potential, so instead of leaning into it, we try to extinguish it. But disorder cannot be extinguished. Not for long, anyway.
Imperfection
Every issue you find will be replaced by another. Perfectionism is like a hydra in this way. When you cut one head off, two more will grow back. That’s what happens when you entertain this loop. It’s not a fight you can win, despite your mind’s best effort to convince you that you only need to change one more thing before you can officially start your project. Everything is still in “beta.” Imperfection is simply not something we are equipped to tolerate. We’re not comfortable with the mess that comes with real experience.
Discomfort
We feel discomfort because of the mismatch between what we envisioned in our heads, and what we are experiencing in the real world. This painful discrepancy puts us in a state of cognitive dissonance. We desperately try to reconcile that feeling by micro-managing and editing every detail we can find that gives us what we believe is a legitimate excuse to avoid the actual work we’re terrified of doing. Everything revolves around fear.
Correction
Eventually, we fold. The stress of holding that dissonance becomes too much to bear, and we ultimately submit to our compulsions. Instead of channeling that energy into a productive session, we use it to try and eliminate any trace of insecurity or doubt we have in our project. We believe that we’ll only have confidence in our work if it’s perfect. So we continue tweaking our plan, font, color scheme, branding, platform, and gear because we have not given ourselves permission to actually get some dirt on our hands.
The work we produce is an extension of ourselves. It’s a reflection of our identity and soul. Perfectionism isn’t a simple preference for order, it’s a clever rebranding of fear. It hides in plain sight, camouflaged as high standards when it’s really an avoidance tactic to shield us from failure. The irony is that all the time we spend trying to avoid failure is what decisively cements our failure. We have to move forward no matter how uncomfortable it might be.
There is only one way out of the cycle of pain. It really sucks, but it’s the only way out as far as I’m aware:
We must sit in discomfort.
Caging the Hydra
To break out of the cycle, we must refrain from moving to the final phase: Correction. Instead of acting on that discomfort, we sit inside it and do whatever it is that we’re actually supposed to be doing. Not the compulsion, the tasks that we know are responsible for moving the needle.
I call this caging the hydra.
This will likely feel extremely uncomfortable for you. Like you’re leaving an itch on your body without scratching it. It’s almost painful to ignore this impulse, but it’s the only way we can get something done in the real world.
You will feel it underneath the surface of your skin. It’s deeply embedded in your nervous system. It will feel like you’re defying something ingrained in your biology.
Our instinct is to attack the hydra. Leaving it be just feels wrong. When we choose to step away from the fight and focus on what matters most, we are subtly retraining our minds. We’re telling our brain that it’s safe to move forward despite leaving the hydra alone. The hardest part is learning how to take that first terrifying step.
The only way out is through.